I know it's been awhile....

I know it's been awhile - but I have got to tell you about my day.

The morning started off typical.  Fed Rod, played with Rod, watched Mickey Mouse with Rod, put Rod to bed, worked out....  Now comes the fun part.

I had to run out to Whole Foods to get some fish.   So Rod and I headed out there.  It's about a 20 minute drive but it's worth it to get wild caught fish.  :)  As soon as I pull into the parking lot - I realize I don't have my debit card.  Mind you, it's nearly 5:00 and already dealt with traffic on the way out to the store.  Well, I found a credit card and decided to just use that.   So I go shopping- and check out.  Boom. Card is declined.  I try again.  It declines again.  Expired.  CRAAAAAP!  So here I am with bags of groceries and no money.  First of all, I'm at this stupid store and to have my card declined is embarrassing.  Of course, the line starts to line up and I explain to the cashier that I need to go get money.  And she has to get an override to cancel out the order.  Gah.  So I run off only to realize that I took one of the bags with  me!  I have to do the walk of shame back to the cashier to give back the groceries I couldn't pay for.

We get out to the car.  I put Rod in the back seat - not buckled up or anything just sit him in his chair.  I needed to use google to find our bank.  Once I found it I went to buckle Rod in. I get out of the car and he is standing in his car seat, window down, shoes thrown out and he is having the time of his life.  Got the shoes in the car, Rod buckled in, and window rolled up.   I go to the bank and pull out the needed cash.  The fight traffic back to Whole Foods and pay for my food. 

On the way home I desperatly needed some peach so I turned on K Love.  Rod happily munched on a rice cake in the back and relaxed while driving home.  When we got home Mike was working on the truck and Rod wanted to "help" daddy.  I went in to put away the groceries and soon the boys walk in.  Then poor Rod trips on a rug and busts his lip open. :(  He quickly is comforted by some water and Yo Gabba Gabba.  Not my favorite movie but I was trying to get dinner ready while Mike cleaned up.  My sister was coming over and I wanted it ready by the time she arrived. 

Dinner went great and we even had time to take Rod to the park.  Mike gave him a bath while Kayla and I hung out.  Next thing you know, Rod comes running out of the bathroom laughing hysterically.  He was running strait to me when he slipped on the floor and fell on his face - again!  Poor kid.  I felt so bad to see him running all naked to give me a hug and then BOOM!

So that has been our day.  A humorous, embarrassing, painful, evening.  At least dinner turned out good.  And for once, I didn't over cook the fish!

Life and Death

As the one year anniversary of my Maamaw's death approaches, I've been thinking a lot about it.  There are things I simply don't understand.  I still don't understand why God took her before I got to say goodbye.  We were minutes from the hospital and I never got to tell her I loved her.  I have a lot of blame on people I shouldn't.  I just wanted her to meet Rodney.  She was so proud of him.  I just wanted one damn picture and I will never get it.  I keep thinking I'll get over it and one day I might. But for now - I'm just sad.  I can't help but be jealous when I see my sister and cousins kids in pictures with her.  Rodney should be in one.

Look at me, I'm getting off topic.  Gah....I hate when that happens.  So back to the story.  The one year anniversary of her death is coming up and I was discussing it with my counselor.  She's Christian so helps me with a lot.  However, no one, at least no here on earth, has answers for "why couldn't she have waited."  We prayed and prayed but she left so quickly.  I left the session with more questions than answers. 

My day went on ok but completely changed once I went to church.  I had a my monthly Building Better Moms meeting.  The leader of the group told us about her nephew.  Just 5 months old.  He passed away February 3rd.  5 months.  It's absolutely heartbreaking.  She told us about her mom and how her mom was yelling into the phone.  Angry at God for not listening to their prayers.  Angry at God for taking the sweet little Baby.  Then she said, Maybe taking the baby was God's way of answering their prayers?  Maybe the healing could not be done hear on Earth so God healed in Heaven?

My family and I prayed for my Maamaw to get better.  I know she isn't in pain any more.  Could it be that she was not going to be able to be healed here?  Was God's answer to our prayers of healing her to take her to Heaven?  To be honest, I'm not sure how to feel about all of this.  I mean, in a weird way it gives slight comfort.  But then again, it still doesn't resolve the issue of me feeling upset because I didn't get to say goodbye. 

For now, the only thing that seems right to say is Psalm 13.  God, please bring peace to me and my family.  We are still hurting after the loss of one of the most amazing person we've known.

 ¹ How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
   How long will you hide your face from me?
² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
   and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
   How long will my enemy triumph over me?
 ³ Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
   Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
⁴ and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
   and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
 ⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
   my heart rejoices in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing the LORD’s praise,
   for he has been good to me.

Maamaw,  I hope you know how much you have been missed.  You have blessed us more than you will ever know.  I hope there is square dancing in heaven. <3 Love you

Traveling alone with a baby....

             I'm sure many of you are wondering how my solo trip to Orlando with Hot Rod went.  Well....it was amazing!  We started off leaving later than normal.  And by that, I mean we left at 6:30 p.m.  I figured it would be ok because he would sleep and i could get some prime driving time in. Which I did!  Drove until 2:00 in the morning.  I first stopped at a Hampton inn.  I waited 10 minutes without help.  I left and found a Marriot.  They guy at the counter must have felt bad for me because he gave me a discount and access to the lounge.  Free breakfast - I'm up for that. 
            Let me us tell you about the breakfast.  It was embarrassing.  When I travel, I wear comfy clothes - yoga pants and a tank top with flip flops.  I go up with Rod and whose there - EVERYONE in a business soup.  Boy, did I ever feel out of place!  To make things more interesting, Rod wanted down and was "talking" loudly.  They were all on cell phones or laptops; clearly irritated by the crazy woman and her baby.  I'm pretty sure they thought I just snuck in. :/  lol oh well.
             Day two was amazing as well.  We got lots of drive time in.  Lots of stops too.  We stopped at the Kentucky Damn State Park and played on the play ground.  We stopped at restraunts and he got some different scenery.  It ended up being another knight in which I drove until 1:30 a.m.  I stopped at a Best Western, which was cheaper than the Marriot, but not as nice.  At least it was a good place to sleep. 
              By Day 3 Rod was ready to get out of the car. While we had about a 6 hour drive, Rod was frustrated and not wanting to be in the seat any more.  Can you blame him?   Luckily he was tolerable until the hotel.  Once at the hotel I took him to the play ground and let him run around Shades of green.  
I've been asked if I would do it again.  Heck yes I would!  :)  I would LOVE to travel alone.  Maybe to Colorado or  back to Oklahoma!   Hot Rod is a true traveling buddy!  I love him!