Look at me, I'm getting off topic. Gah....I hate when that happens. So back to the story. The one year anniversary of her death is coming up and I was discussing it with my counselor. She's Christian so helps me with a lot. However, no one, at least no here on earth, has answers for "why couldn't she have waited." We prayed and prayed but she left so quickly. I left the session with more questions than answers.
My day went on ok but completely changed once I went to church. I had a my monthly Building Better Moms meeting. The leader of the group told us about her nephew. Just 5 months old. He passed away February 3rd. 5 months. It's absolutely heartbreaking. She told us about her mom and how her mom was yelling into the phone. Angry at God for not listening to their prayers. Angry at God for taking the sweet little Baby. Then she said, Maybe taking the baby was God's way of answering their prayers? Maybe the healing could not be done hear on Earth so God healed in Heaven?
My family and I prayed for my Maamaw to get better. I know she isn't in pain any more. Could it be that she was not going to be able to be healed here? Was God's answer to our prayers of healing her to take her to Heaven? To be honest, I'm not sure how to feel about all of this. I mean, in a weird way it gives slight comfort. But then again, it still doesn't resolve the issue of me feeling upset because I didn't get to say goodbye.
For now, the only thing that seems right to say is Psalm 13. God, please bring peace to me and my family. We are still hurting after the loss of one of the most amazing person we've known.
1 How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the LORD’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
|Maamaw, I hope you know how much you have been missed. You have blessed us more than you will ever know. I hope there is square dancing in heaven. <3 Love you|